I'm Not Cute
by thankmelautner
Summary: Noah Puckerman is being 'harassed' by his teammate, Sam Evans. And he's gonna do something about this, godfuckingdamnit.


_What the hell is up with this guy? I'm not fucking 'cute', the Puckzilla doesn't do 'cute'. All around badasss stud with a hot bod? Yes. Cute? Not so much._

_Just look at him, with his annoying little Justin Bieber flip and huge fucking lips. How dare he call me cute? I just want to know why giving him a wedgie hasn't crossed my mind yet._

Puck glared at the boy sitting across the table and over one from him. The blonde's eyes cornered to meet Puck's and he winked. Growling in response, he slammed his hands on the table and pushed himself upward, turning on his heels (despite all the 'what the hell is wrong with you?' looks) and leaving the cafeteria. He was so freaking gay he might as well be shitting glitter and peeing rainbows. He made his way to his locker, twirling in the combination, he pulled out (and stared at) a chemistry book he'd never cracked open since he received it at the beginning of this school year. But that wasn't important, he was just trying to think of something that would take his mind off of Sam's little wink.

Oh. By the way.

Noah Puckerman was not, in fact gay at all. He was strictly pussy, ate it, licked it, and fucked it. That was it, nothing else. Unless they were in the showers comparing size (which he _always _won in case you didn't know and that was not gay at all) no one but girls saw his dick with intention on doing the dirty. He couldn't even imagine himself pushing his dick head in a boy's ass. BLECH. EW. NO. (Even if he was gay, which he fucking wasn't, he'd top.)

He slammed his locker door and clenched his jaw. The bell to end lunch sounded and people came flooding out of the cafeteria. And there he was again, the blonde duo. Puck really hated Sam and Quinn together, _THEY LOOKED EXACTLY ALIKE. _They were probably secretly brother and sister and would have a retard child. Puck scowled, turning the opposite way and heading down the hallway.

* * *

><p>WHAT. WHAT. WHAT. Puck was laying on the ground, eyes pointed toward the blue sky. All of a sudden he saw Finn in his vision, holding out his hand. Puck took a hold of the boy's hand and he pulled him up. "What happened to you, man?" The brunette asked questioningly. Puck located Sam's number and growled.<p>

"He fucking touched me." Puck seethed.

"What?" Finn asked, eyebrow arching.

"Dude, he fucking rubbed his grimy hand past my dick!" Puck said, sneaking glances at Sam.

"You got tackled, dude. You're just confused."

"Oh fuck you, Goliath. You're always confused." Puck snapped, pulling off his helmet at the sound of Beiste telling them to hit the showers. Puck was infuriated at the fact. Sam had touched his balls and for the life of him, he was bent on exposing this guy.

"Hey, EVANS! Get your ass over here!" He called, and it seemed like Sam already knew that this was going to happen because the boy turned around at his name and started walking to Puck before the rest of his command came out of his mouth.

"I'm about to expose you for the pansy you are."

He put on an infuriatingly obnoxious smirk. "What are you talking about, Puckerman?"

"You are a fucking faggot. You keep calling me cute and touching my dick!" Puck shouted, lips curled back into a snarl that could scare off anybody, anybody but Sam. The blonde wasn't cowering yet. Why? Puck was just getting more and more irritated with every second that passed.

Sam just smiled that obnoxious fucking smile that made Puck want to light himself on fire. "I'm not gay, I'm with Quinn." Of course his huge mouth was denying it but the green eyes trained on Puck's crotch told him a completely different story. "You're cute when you're angry." And with those words, Sam threw his head back and laughed, turning from Puck and walking back inside the school for his shower.

"THAT'S WHY YOUR KID WILL COME OUT WITH LIPS THAT TAKE UP THREE FOURTHS OF THEIR FACE!"

* * *

><p>Fucking Sam Evans. Goddamn it. Puck lay in his bed staring at the ceiling, thoughts on how to expose Sam for the fudgepacker he was. And not a clue came to his brain.<p>

* * *

><p>Puck never did find a resolve to his problem last night. He ended up falling asleep after the first five minutes of figuring out something. So instead of trying to come up with a plan that he couldn't figure out, he'd do this like Noah Puckerman normally would.<p>

The mohawked boy pulled his bottom lip into his mouth in concentration. He should know by now that this chemistry shit wasn't going to work for him and there was no point in taking the test. But like before, it least it was something he could do to keep his mind off of this very, VERY annoying blonde of a man. He had to get the blonde off of his back. He didn't understand the purpose of calling him 'cute' especially when he knew it only made Puck angry because godfuckingdamnit he was not cute. Why couldn't Sam just fear him like everybody else in Lima?

* * *

><p>He was slammed against the ground again. Sam had a huge smile on his face. His hand took on swift motions and slid up his leg and circled around his crotch. He did it again. Last motherfucking straw.<p>

Puck ripped off his helmet, anger burning hazel into dark amber, Puck pushed Sam off of him as the blonde was pulling off his helmet. He threw his weight onto the blonde, switching their positions so that Puck was sitting on top of Sam's lower stomach. A fist pointed cocked back and ready to collide with the blonde's face. "I got you now, Evans."

Despite everyone's shouts for Puck to get off of him and calm down, he turned to see Coach B and a couple of other football players heading for them and in that moment, he decided to get his hit in before being carried away to most likely suspension. He turned his attention back to Sam and—FUCK.

* * *

><p>"You're so. Freaking. Cute." Sam purred in Puck's ear, pulling the mohawked boy into a hug from behind while he pulled out that damn chemistry book from his locker. Noah's lips spread into a wide grin as he turned around in Sam's arms, his own going around the blonde's neck. Sam sandwiched him tightly between the lockers and pressed his lips to his. "Fuck you, Evans."<p>

Okay, shut up. Suppose he was maybe a little gay. What the fuck ever.

Sam had kissed him that day after football practice, it made his insides explode with electricity, one of the best kisses he'd ever experienced. The best day of his life.

_I'm still not fucking cute if that's what you're thinking. _


End file.
